I’m tired. It’s 2am. I have this blog I’m supposed to finish writing and I keep getting distracted. My grammatical abilities and vocabulary peaked about six hours ago and have been declining ever since. I am currently at my lowest point, but this will not dissuade me just yet. I have a long day tomorrow. Lot’s to get through. Long week. Stress and all of that.

So what do I do? I get up and eat a whole can of this mayo tuna thing with dijon mustard. I don’t even like this stuff. What is it even doing in my house?

It’s 2AM!

And then I ask myself why I’m packing it on.

Food it not the answer. Say it with me. When you’re sad, frustrated, bored

When you just saw facebook images of a certain gentlemen of interest engaging in amorous activity  with some female who looks like her mental capacity couldn’t quite light up a low voltage light bulb

You don’t eat.

Less than a year ago I was a rail. I have always been a rail. I am petite and I don’t have the bone structure to be “solid”. But the way I’ve been eating, especially since I’ve moved out, especially since the addition of alcohol to my diet, has taken it’s toll. I’m definitely a few above where I’d like to be right now. And I’m so used to eating whatever I want without a second thought and being slim that I never gained any willpower, so they won’t be easy to lose.

For one thing, when you move out and you don’t have an oven- that’s right, no oven- you quickly lose the will to cook. As though I was any good in the first place. So you turn to canned, quick and easy meal ideas. I’ve made a point to stay away from fast food and am quite proud of myself for that. But it’s not like canned fish, whole grain bread (my pathetic attempt at healthy food choices) eggs and microwavable meal ideas are that much better. I tried coffee given its reputation as a revered stimulant in terms of its capacity to increase metabolism, but all it seems to have achieved is the destruction of my sleeping pattern. The other day I think I overdosed on caffeine so hard I nearly died right there in the Bailleu library. I had heart palpitations, nausea and a terrible panic attack. The coffee was a large size strong black espresso from Castro’s outside David Carro. It was because I was running on an empty stomach and two hours sleep that day. Long story, one thing just feeds into another.

Either way the manner in which I eat at the moment is neither healthy nor cheap. I put no thought into my meals and I don’t plan my groceries. Ideally I should be having one weekly or fortnightly visit to somewhere like Aldi or Costco or a market with a list of fruits, vegetables, fish and meat that I need for X amount of time. Instead I’m always dashing somewhere after a late shift because I forgot milk or dishwashing detergent.

I’m doing it wrong. Take it from me, you really need to have it together if you attempt to leave home at my age. Just stay with parents and put up with their nagging, controlling ways. Me? I am an exceptionally stubborn young woman and a creature of principle. This little stunt has gained me a lot of respect from my family although they won’t admit it, and there is no way I’m going to go crawling back now.

Bring on the canned fish and a gym membership